Action Movie World: “Downtown Shogun”

It's not an Eighties movie without Al Leong. Thankfully, he showed up

At long last, the Ninja playbook is christened! This weekend, the gang got together for another impromptu session of Action Movie World. This was the “purest” AMW session in a while, since it used an unalloyed Ninja playbook that hadn’t been tinkered with or customized. This was one of our best sessions yet.

A Shogun, lost in New York hired to protect a ruthless martial arts master.  A benevolent master teaching the unfortunates of the city a better way to live. When they meet, the Bronx will rumble but only one will emerge to be the... Downtown Shogun!

Frank was the Director for this game. In the vein of so many Eighties ninja movies, Downtown Shogun was heavy on white guys (including one in the lead) and light on Asians who weren’t villains. So, what follows is probably insensitive at multiple points; that it's "ironically" insensitive may or may not be a saving grace for you personally. All I can say is our characters all lack nuance. I'm imitating Reb Brown for crying out loud.

Thankfully, we did have an Asian heroine in the mix, and she wasn’t played by Scarlett Johansson. She also completely ran away with the Star Power and was cooler than everyone else, so we had that going for us.

The cast:

• Randall Guy as “Lightning” Charlie Stokes, Vietnam vet, haunted mercenary and white ninja (Me! / Gunfighter / Lead)
• Javier Simpson as Doctor D.I. Why, professor of anthropology and ninja initiate (Jerry / Smartass)
• Yola Chogo as Angel Chung, schoolgirl, wheel-kicking dynamo and part-time ninja (Gina / Pugilist)
• Berkeley Blower as Sumo Fokuda, noodle cart vendor and sumo wrestler (Bill / Yeller)

Berkeley Blower: he's a ninja

This was a pretty terrible lineup for a Ninja movie, so we played it (successfully) for laughs. Charlie Stokes was a former soldier turned mercenary Trying to Escape His Past, who made money selling plundered cultural treasures to Doctor Why to pay for rent on his shitty apartment, like the imperialist pig-dog he is. Sumo Fokuda was of mixed Japanese-Portuguese heritage in the story, but in the meta-fiction his actor was played by Brian Blessed covered in bronzer a la Sean Connery at the end of You Only Live Twice. Movie, no! Stokes had stolen an ancient medallion that belonged to Fokuda’s family, and had kept it because it was supposed to have mystical power.

Both Stokes and Fokuda were clumsy oafs whose “ninja” moves presumably had to be done by stuntmen -- we even described a few clumsy cuts and camera tricks designed to cover our complete lack of grace and skill. Meanwhile, Gina’s character Angel Chung never rolled less than a 13 on a Violence roll and made us all look like jagoffs. As it should be!

There’s a prologue scene in ancient Japan, where a group of samurai charge a village but disappear in a mysterious flash of light. They appear in modern-day New York. Why? How? These questions never get answered, or even asked!

We cut to the Red Star Dojo, where members of the evil Black Koi Dojo (led by a sinister Al Leong) are shaking down Mr. Minamoto, the Red Star sensei. “Mister Jackson wants his money!” Angel Chung and Charlie Stokes show up moments later and begin whaling the tar out of everybody. The bad guys flee, and we learn that the mysterious Mr. Jackson is running a protection racket on the entire neighborhood. If we don’t stop these goons, the Red Star Dojo is history! Doctor Why trails behind, leaving garbage and one-liners in his wake.

Reb Brown attempts to emote

The gang meets at Rose’s Diner, the local greasy spoon, to discuss their plans to stop Jackson and his Black Koi goons. Not one to let a good planning scene go uninterrupted, Frank decides Black Koi thugs show up at the diner to shake down Rose herself. The heroes take this as an opportunity to launch into a terrifying array of pie- and silverware-based attacks. The goons are driven off, not before one gets interrogated and gives up the name “Shinyuki.”

During these scenes, I decided Charlie Stokes, as lead, would try to take the moral road and avoid conflict. As it does in every action movie, this process would inevitably break down and lead to horrifying bloodshed when I finally snap. So I led each conflict with an Emote, which always failed misery because my character’s Drama is for shit. My attempt at peacemaking failed, I would go on to deliver savage beatings like a man should. Angel Chung, meanwhile, had usually flattened half the room by this time.

Angel Chung: She Already Killed That Guy

Back to our tale. Returning to the Red Star, we ask Minamoto the meaning of “Shinyuki.” We learn he was a legendary lieutenant of a brutal shogun, Ashikura, who lived in the distant past and committed terrible atrocities. Was this the Shinyuki of legend, or just someone taking his name to inspire fear? We didn’t really look into it very far, but instead ventured into the sewers to infiltrate Mr. Jackson’s headquarters, tear apart his operation, and get evidence of his extortion scheme so we could save the kids’ baseball diamond or whatever.

We take a short trip through the cleanest sewers of all time until we run across a room full of samurai dressed in period-appropriate armor. Frank has adhered to the cardinal rule of the ninja movie -- a room full of enemies! A fight full of “-messy” results ensues as we carve our way through sixteen ninja mooks. Since I was playing the Gunfighter but thought it gauche to use guns, I decided to use a bow instead, firing two and three arrows at a time in an orgy of action excess.

We heard you were talking shit

Mechanical Notes: just before the fighting started, I took a risk and use Camaraderie to get everyone their bonus XP and “inspire” everyone, as well as turn the medallion of Fokuda into an awesome weapon. Thankfully, it worked, and our Camaraderie reset to 0. We did this by doing our Red Star Dojo "sign" (the index and middle fingers of both hands extended and crossed in an X). We got a lot of mileage out of the sign thing later in the game.

For the rest of the game, the Smartass would shore it up with a Killer One-Liner or two, and we would use it to heal just enough harm to keep people from getting killed in the huge battle. This was the most use we’ve ever gotten out of Camaraderie, and it was way more fun than letting it sit at +3 as an XP booster.

At the end of the carnage, Jackson himself shows up -- but before we can get to him, he summons another sixteen bad guys, resulting in a second huge and bloody battle. This was deeply satisfying and got everyone to the edge of five harm, despite our Camaraderie heals. The tension rises! I don't know if we can take on another baker's dozen, guys!

Jackson holds up the incriminating evidence we needed from his office. “Looking for this?” He hands the book off to Ashikura, who withdraws. We split up: Angel Chung and Stokes take on Jackson, while Why and Fokuda pursue Ashikura. Fun twist: we don’t know who the Villain is at this point, so it’s possible Why and Fokuda could be charging to their deaths.

The battle with Jackson is swift and decisive: he gets a couple hits in but Stokes and Chung take him apart. Meanwhile, Ashikura begins beating Fokuda and Why to a pulp. Stokes and Chung rush to their aid. During the battle, I take five harm and am “killed” by a sword stroke from Ashikura. All my Star Power is zeroed out (a first for our group). That’s trouble for everybody, because Ashikura is the Villain and I’m the Lead! Things look grim for our heroes!

Mr. Minamoto played by Pat Morita. Or maybe he wasn't. I just assumed

I roll against Camaraderie to see if the magical medallion will heal me in a magical deus ex machina. It does! (I realize I don’t need to do this to get back in the game as Lead, but it was fun anyway). I do a rad cartwheel flip and put an arrow through Ashikura’s heart. Red Star Dojo is saved! We return to Minamoto in victory and return the ancient medallion, which is suddenly significant somehow.

This game was a blast, and I really hope there’s a sequel. My only complaint is that none of the PCs died, which is 100% their choice, but a ninja movie without a Vengeance move feels like it’s missing something somehow. Maybe next time!